The last few days have been terrible. Lots of dealings with military related people/paperwork/places = anxiety attacks and detachment. But today he has been smiling all day. *sigh of relief* The romance and affection that have been slipping away was much more natural today and that gives me strength to make it though the next batch of difficult symptoms. I've been learning more and more to start every day fresh and really latch on and enjoy it when it's a good one.
After some difficult conversations SR surprised me and went running for the first time since his deployment. He loves running and he hasn't had one once of motivation to run since he left Iraq almost six months ago. Even while he was in country, it was an outlet and he inspired others to join him running for organized causes and events (LA marathon/breast cancer awareness/father's day appreciation). He said he wanted to show me that he's committed to getting through this terrible disability. It meant so much. Hopefully he will start to run for himself and not to "show me" but I won't push him into anything he isn't ready for yet. It was three days ago and he hasn't run since but it doesn't even matter. He proved to himself he hasn't given up. For our relationship that motivates me to step back and remind myself not to hold his hand through everything. go go supportive wife, NOT nursemaid!
In other news, his counselor tossed around the idea of intensive outpatient treatment versus his current once a week counseling. We'll see what happens. Hubby isn't too into the suggestion at the moment. He's struggling with the idea of people identifying him by his disability lately and to him this is one of those times.
But for now I will just delight in the smiles of today and sleep easy for once... of course only until I am awaken to be asked if I also heard the explosions or just to be told about a nightmare so that he can get it out of his mind :)
I am 24 years old and married to my best friend and love of my life (as cheesy as it sounds!). My spouse is a National Guard Soldier and we recently experienced a year-long deployment to Iraq. He has been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, and depression. Together, we're learning how to navigate this interesting new life...